Resilience
In my life as a human being and career thus far as a Music Therapist, working in clinical, therapeutic environments with individuals suffering from addiction, depression, schizophrenia, and suicidal ideation, I have had the honour of witnessing people persevere forward despite all of the forces within themselves and outside in the world that seek to keep them caged. These individuals continuously inspire me by how they demonstrate time and time again, through first hand experience, just how resilient the human heart is in the face of adversity and suffering
So, what exactly is resilience?
I define resilience as one’s capacity to re-group, recover, and persevere forward after undergoing adverse life experiences, experiences which are often filled with intense feelings of pain and suffering
WHY IS RESILIENCE IMPORTANT?
Life is filled with a great amount of uncertainty in the sense where it is quite difficult as a human being to accurately predict the exact details of how one’s life will unfold. However, one thing that is guaranteed within this existence is that life will not hesitate to present human beings with experiences that consistent of suffering, adversity, and challenge. Therefore, resilience is essential if we wish to succeed in life through navigating daily existence with our head held high, both feet planted firmly on the ground, and inspiration in our hearts which ultimately helps us believe in the idea that things can and will get better. Resilience is the force that drives us to return back to life time and time again, despite sometimes failing or things not turning out the way we would have hoped. It is the armor we wear around our hearts as we wade through the waters of day to day life, waters which can constantly fluctuate between stillness and turbulence
Without resilience, we become a paper bag in the wind, completely at the mercy of life which will, without a doubt, continuously throw challenges our way
THE INGREDIENTS OF RESILIENCE
A) Regardless of the events that happen to us in the external world, events which are more often than not out of our control, we are still fully capable of choosing how we perceive, respond to, and ultimately move forward from these events
What I observe is that this perspective is a key ingredient in learning to develop resilience in life, understanding that we always have a choice to make decisions about where we put our time and energy within each and every moment, understanding that regardless of what has happened to us in the past, we are still fully capable of changing the trajectory of our future with the decisions we make in the present moment, understanding that it is not the events which happen to us life that determine our identity, rather it is in how we choose to continuously respond to these events each and every day that shape who we are and what we become
Both our past and the external world within which we live may always be filled with chaos, this is something that is not in our control. However, how we choose to interact and engage with the surrounding world right now through our actions, beliefs, and behaviours is completely within our field of influence or control. Another way to put this is that despite the very real fact that our past and uncontrollable events in the external world greatly influences the trajectory of our lives, a resilient individual is highly committed to the idea that they are fully responsible for where they end up as they deeply believe it is in their response to these uncontrollable events which ultimately determines the outcome of their life path
What is essential to understand here is that this is a conscious choice to make the most out of challenging situations. One is saying that regardless of the nature of their present life circumstances, they will still choose to wake up each day and strive towards a path of self-betterment and growth, they will choose to care and to nurture their hope
Within resilience you dust off your knees, pull yourself up by the bootstraps, shake it off, then persevere forward with a level of determination that cannot be shaken no matter what life throws your way
DEVELOPING RESILIENCE
I intentionally use the word “develop” here because, just like anything in life, resilience is something that requires continuous maintenance
It is just like building a muscle, where we create a routine for strengthening a specific part of our body with the understanding that we may not see the results right away, however with consistent effort we will experience growth and strengthening in the area that we are working on. Of course, some individuals can be innately more resilient than others, however if resilience does not come naturally, you are still fully capable of putting in the work that is required to making resilience a strong, core component of your life
- *With time and consistent effort, what once required a great deal of preordained thought, now becomes second nature (this is the beauty of being a human being, in that we can develop our skills from a place of having no experience whatsoever, to a place where we can perform these skills on command, without hesitation or thinking twice)*
- Intentionally seek out discomfort with the underlying intention of achieving inner growth and strengthening
- Learn to find comfort within the discomfort. Instead of running away from it, embrace it fully, let it in and work with it
- Do something each day that challenges yourself and your perceived limitations of what you are and are not capable of
- Make it a habit to start noticing the parts of yourself within that say that you cannot heal or are incapable of persevering through life adversity. Become more aware of these parts and how they show up inside of you, inquiring into their moment of origin within the narrative of your life, and most importantly learn to not be afraid of challenging these parts
THE INGREDIENTS OF RESILIENCE Cont.
B) Within resilience, you choose to keep trying and to never give up. Why? Because a resilient individual understands that to try and fail is far far better than to not try at all
Sometimes life can be so traumatizing, overwhelming, daunting, lonely, and confusing that we convince ourselves it is best to give up, therefore losing hope and succumbing to the forces of despair that tell us any effort to try is ultimately futile. When this occurs and we actually do give up, we close ourselves off from the idea and therefore possibility that something in our life can actually shift in a positive, meaningful way. Furthermore, what makes this situation so challenging is that at times it actually seems easier to give up than it is continue persevering forward, especially if we have tried to create positive, meaningful change in the past but to no avail
What is important to understand is that when life is adverse, making the conscious choice to try instead of giving up may not necessarily feel like it is the right path to take. At times it can actually seem like we are swimming upstream, fighting a battle where we are significantly outnumbered, or embarking on a long hike with little to no supplies on hand. However it is precisely in these moments where resilience is created, when we fight against the forces within ourselves and outside in the world that seek out our demise, when we choose to strive for love, growth, and connection even when the odds are not in our favour
A resilient individual understands that to try and fail is far far better than to not try at all because they are deeply connected to the sentiment that there still can exist meaningful insights from experiences of failure, insights which one can later reflect on and learn from
Here are a list of things we can learn from trying and failing:
- When we try and fail, we learn what not to do moving forward. As a result this helps us become more aware of what to do whenever similar life situations presents themselves
- “We suffer more in imagination, then in reality” — Seneca : When we try and fail, more often than not we realize that what we feared most would happen is not as bad as we originally imagined it would be, therefore our threshold for discomfort expands
- Failure teaches us an essential life lesson that sometimes things may not unfold in the ways that we would have desired them to, and that is completely and utterly okay. We accept the disappoint and afterwards learn that are not defined by the outcome of how something unfolds, but rather by how we choose to pick ourselves up, regroup, and return back to the fold of life
- Failure is fuel for our internal source of motivation and inspiration to try again, to pick up where we left off with the hopes of creating another outcome, firmly understanding that through hard work and determination we are fully capable of creating positive, meaningful changes in our life
Think back to a time where you lost hope, but instead chose to keep going, and along the path you unexpectedly experienced something new that fueled your inspiration and motivation for engaging in life, and then you realized if you initially succumbed to the forces that wanted you to give up then you’d never experience this meaningful shift. That will to ‘keep going’ was Resilience
Reflect on a time when you failed at something you wanted to succeed in, or an event happened in the external world which created turmoil within your inner life, or something you desired to happen did not unfold; Then, reflect on the following: How did you respond? Did you wallow in disappointment? Did you shrug your shoulders and give up? Did you passively accept that this is “the way it is” and that you do not have any capacity to make any meaningful changes? All of these reactions are the opposite of resilience
So the next time you want to give up, don’t. The next time you want to wallow in self-pity, don’t. The next time you notice a voice within that is telling you that you cannot succeed at something you desire to do, tell that voice to please and kindly f*** off. It can be bit of a grind sometimes, like hiking up a mountain when you are physically exhausted, psychologically burnt out, emotionally drained, and alone, however you have no other choice but to keep on going because it is getting dark and soon you will lose the trail, therefore your life is at risk if you do not push forward
The payoff here though is that the more we choose to continue trying despite sometimes failing, we train ourselves to persevere forward despite all of the forces within and outside in the world that tell us we cannot. As a result we challenge our own self-limiting beliefs regarding what we are and are not capable of. Everytime we choose to persevere forward, we feed our own inner armor of resilience, adding to it, making it stronger and therefore better able to wade through the storms of life from a place of stability. We push the boundaries of what we think we are capable of, therefore becoming emotionally and mentally stronger with each challenge we overcome
THE INGREDIENTS OF RESILIENCE Cont.
C) Another key ingredient of developing resilience is truly believing that regardless of how tragic or adverse of an experience you have undergone, you are still fully capable of persevering through the suffering
If one seeks evidence to support this belief, we can see it every single day outside in the world, in the lives of the people we know, in the stories and tales that are passed down of people succeeding despite the hardships life presents them with
A concrete example of this belief that I continuously find inspiring lies in the life of Viktor Frankl, the author of Man’s Search For Meaning. Viktor is a holocaust survivor who wrote a book after his experience in concentration camps about the human being’s innate power of controlling how they perceive, respond to, and regroup from the immensely unfortunate and uncontrollable events that can happen to them in life
I frequently remind myself: If Viktor Frankl can leave a holocaust camp and write a book about the art of persevering through life adversity, then I am fully capable of overcoming whatever challenge life throws my way
Obviously the point here is not to compare adversity, and therefore use this perspective as a way to undermine the very real suffering you are presently experiencing just because it is not equivalent to surviving a holocaust. This idea of “comparing” suffering can be incredibly unhelpful and detrimental to the entire process of learning to develop resilience
The point here is to truly contemplate the depths to which this man suffered, to contemplate how many times he must have considered giving up, but ultimately did not. Instead he committed to making the conscious choice every day to persevere through the pain, to learn from his suffering, to extract lessons, insights, and meaning from it so that it served both his life and the lives of others in a positive, impactful way through the philosophies and perspectives he shares in his life’s work. The point here is to be inspired so that you can feel capable of persevering through your own suffering or life adversity
DOUBTING YOURSELF
It is important to understand that, at times, you may feel disconnected from truly believing you are capable of embodying resilience in your life, for whatever reason you may seriously doubt your ability to persevere through life’s adversity
- *Obviously it would be nice if we could just unconditionally believe in ourselves and our capacity to heal our wounds, or create a life we desire to live, or become the person we desire to be, or overcome the challenges we are being presented with, but unfortunately life does not work this way and there will be experiences we will undergo within which we will challenge our beliefs about our ability to persevere forward and succeed*
The individuals that are truly connected to a belief about an innate capacity of overcoming adversity understand that the path of developing resilience is not straightforward whatsoever. You will doubt yourself, you will question yourself, you will feel hopeless and overwhelmed
A helpful perspective here is understanding that this is all a normal part of the process because these experiences of doubt not only test how true we are to the things we believe, but also provide us with a unique opportunity to prove to ourselves that we are indeed capable of embodying resilience
For example, the more life experiences we undergo within which we actually do overcome adversity and suffering, the more concrete evidence we have to support the belief that we are capable of preserving through adversity, therefore the easier it gets. It is okay to doubt ourselves from time and time for as long as we can continuously find our way back to resilience, that is what matters, and the fact that we momentarily lost touch with it becomes obsolete
The more we continuously find our way back to resilience, the easier it gets to quiet the voices within and outside in the world that tell us we are not capable of persevering through adversity or challenge. If we can undergo life experiences which challenge our beliefs about our innate ability of embodying resilience, and come out on the other side these experiences holding true to believing in ourselves, then we just become that much more stronger, sometimes in ways that would be not be possible if we never doubted ourselves in the first place, and this is the greatest blessing or teaching here
THE BEAUTY OF RESILIENCE
There is so much beauty in resilience and it never ceases to inspire me whenever I get to witness it in action within my life. Life can be so challenging as there are so many forces within ourselves and outside in the world which may not necessarily possess an innate desire for us to succeed, overcome adversity, and achieve happiness
I deeply believe that to embody resilience is an act of defiance against the nature of suffering. Within resilience, we accept the existence of pain and suffering in all of its many forms (sorrow, hurt, betrayal, confusion, loneliness, abuse, grief, despair, hopelessness), but we do not succumb to it. Rather we make the conscious choice to attempt to move through and out of it, to heal our wounds with the intention of becoming a more whole human being, to extract lessons or meaningful insights from our pain so that we can become more knowledgeable and therefore less likely to repeat the same mistakes over and over
I have seen people falter in their step and embark down a path where rock bottom is the only destination in sight. I grieve deeply every time this occurs as I know what they are feeling, overwhelmed at the prospect of making any meaningful changes within their life, bewildered as to the point of it all, therefore giving in to the forces within themselves that seek to destroy their well-being, vitality, and goodness
I have also seen people look their adversity, pain, and suffering straight in the eye and say “you will not win, you are not all there is in this life.” They may feel fear yes, however it is important to understand that a resilient individual is not free of fear, rather they experience it deeply and still make the choice to not let it impact their ability to stand strong in courage. Despite the weight on their shoulders, they continue to do the work by investigating the nature of their own turmoil with the underlying intention of one day being free of inner torment, they continue to make the most out of unfortunate situations. They wake up each day and strive to do the next right thing, making an effort, however small, to step deeper into a life that is filled with meaning, love, and connection, and away from a life that is filled with hopelessness, despair, and disconnection
Thanks for reading! If you enjoyed the post, you can find my work here: https://linktr.ee/navinsahjpaul
Peace & Love folks
